Short session solid win

Today I fell asleep at aroun 11,however aroun 1 I awoke and could not fall back to sleep. I prolly should have done some work but i decided to log a short 45 min poker session booking a nice 1300 win. I am up almost 5k in my last 3 sessions. The last 2 weeks I was down 13k but why is it that I feel worse.


Goddamit it is really pissing me off. I dont need to struggle sleeping. I dont need not being able to concentrate on my work. However, I gotta deal with it right now.I have had more success than I ever could have imagined at such a young age. I have made 300k in 17.5 months. I go on 5-7 vacations a year. I golf everyday. My friends kick fucking ass. I sleep till when I want. Pretty much I do what I want when I want and I dont get much opposition. This is wonderful and I am very thankful to be so fortunate.

Despite all of this, I am not happy. I am sick to my stomach 24 7. I cant sleep eat or do anything. I do nice things for people and want nothing in return. When we go on tips I pay for most of my friends shit. When I golf I sometimes buy the round. I am caring and would do anything for anybody. Deep down I am a good person and I just want to be happy.

I have realized that money means jack shit if you dont have people to share it with. Money pretty much means nothing. I dont need it. It doesnt make me feel better about myself. Im not better than the average joe on the street. Im not better than the average father struggling to support a family. I hate people who change when they get money. They think their cool and that they r something special. Well they are not.

I hate the fact that you need money to survive in this world. Thats how everybody judges success. Even I do it at times. This just should not be the case. If you have money you should be generous and share it with the people around you. Despite helping people, its definately nice to stash some away towards a retirement.

All I want in life is to make money so that my life is easier and can provide for a family. I dont want it to spend on myself or make myself feel or look better. I still wear the same clothes and act the same as I did one year and a half ago when I didnt have a dime.

I have realized that I just want someone special in my life to share in my good times and my bad ones. Money sure doesnt make me happy but the people in my life sure as hell do. One day we are all going to be dead. No single human is that important. We are just a small pea in a giant pod. No one person is born better than another person. However how you treat people and having an impact on the world can make you better than your peers.

I just want people to realize that money isnt everything. It helps to have but it doesnt give you the little and most important things in life. My friends and family is all that matters to me and I hope I can do whatever I can to help them. I would also like to have an impact on other people too.

Ill say it again. Money doesnt mean shit if you dont have loving, special, and caring people in your life.