WTF is wrong with me?

Wow I cant explain what the fuck is up with me. Today, I saw a fish sittin down hu with 350 bucks and while we were playin another god awful player sat down with 350. I won about 300+ in 15 minutes. Then I just had no desire to play. There was free money atmultiple tables. If I put a session in ida probably made 2-3k at least. However, I decided to quit due to lack of focus and enthusiasm.

I ask myself how is this possible. I really dont get it. I mean free money on the table and Ipass it up due to lack of focus and enthusiasm. What the hell? I do have a test tommorrow that I need to study a little more but still that wasnt weighing in on my decision. I have never in my life not felt like playing poker for a week straight. I mean how do I feel like this now after a 27k heater in 10 days.

I have 3 more tests before thanksgiving break with 1 being tommorrow. The other 2 are my mathmatical tests which will take a lot of hard studying hours. I really cannot wait for break. I really need it. I have been doing pretty well in my classes tho, which I am very proud of.

The emotions that I go through in a day are just insane. I do it to myself and I dont know why I do. Sometimes Ill lay in bed and ask myself how the hell am I sohappy and having a great time during a part of the day. Then another part I get myself down and I dont feellike doing anything. I have made a promise to myself that this wont continue.

Over the next few weeks I am going to do some very important things that will help me for the summer and for my life after that. I have made a committment to put away 40k a year towardsmy retirement and another 40k per year towards a house. I have done some calculations using my skills from finance class :). After 10 years if I get 6% interest on my money compounded yearly, I will have 527k+ to spend on a house. I figure to make no less than 200k during this time, so this goal should be easily attainable. I am also putting 40k a year towards retirement. If I could get 6%APR on that compounded monthly then I should have around 1,000,000 after 15 years which should get me settled down and I then can be able to enjoy life. Hopefully I can get an even better rate than 6%.

I am also going to do some networking to get me prepared for the summer. I have 4 or 5 companies that I am going to give my resume to where I feel they will give me a job. I am going to try PNC Bank. This bank is where I do my business and I have become close with some of the branch managers because they sometimes have to do special things for me. Another place I am going to try is Lionsgate. This one guy has been sayin to me for the past couple of years that he wants me to work there out of college. He said he could get me a job right away. I would absolutely love this job I think. I love movies. The only prob with getting an internship there is that the internships are in sacremento, new york, and Boston. I am not at all ready to leave the state. However, they said that they are probably going to get a branch in Pittsburgh very soon, which I really hope they do because ultimately I'd love to work here. There are a few other places as well.

I have realized that getting this job will help me down the road. I mean I still do want to play poker. I realized that I could do both. I play poker around 21 hours a week. Thats like a part time job. I definately would be able to squeeze the hours in even if I had a job. The job will also give me a sense of responsibility and committment. In the future I will probably get a job, because I will be able to get benefits which are very important and have some stability. I will be able to do this while having poker, which I know I am best at, on the side for a lot of extra income. I plan to pay the bills with my job earnings and save towards my retirement and towards a new house with my poker winnings.

I look forward to accomplishing all of these goals in the upcoming months and years to come. Hopefully, when I look back on this blog a year down the road I will be on the right path to having a successful life. Thank you for reading.

Gl,
Pete